Have you ever considered doing something that sounded fun or interesting, but it just made you feel too anxious and full of fear?

This is part 3 of a three-article series about common ways we hold ourselves back from living the life we truly desire. The first article discussed how easy it is to find ways to talk ourselves out of making life changes that will move us toward fulfillment.

The second article explored the role of “busyness” in keeping us stuck when we truly desire something different.

Finally, we will normalize the fears that may arise when we decide to make a change in the comfortable status quo of our daily lives.

What Are You Anxious About?

When we want to try something new or make a change in our life, it is perfectly normal to feel apprehension, fear, or nervousness. These are simply other words to describe feeling anxious. Look back on your life and the transitions you have experienced such as leaving the home where you grew up, learning to drive, or starting a new job. How did you feel? You got over feeling apprehension and the change in your life became normal, right?

Just because we are over 60 does not mean that we don’t continue to change and grow… and the feelings commonly associated with transitions are still perfectly normal rather than reasons to not move forward.

Check your thoughts right now. Are you thinking that you are happy just as everything is; don’t rock the boat? Are you thinking that it takes too much energy to try something new ‘at your age’? Remember that many of our assumptions about what is possible at 60, 70, and beyond arise from the media messaging around us. It is way more fun to rebel and allow yourself to blaze your own path through the years of older adulthood.

I was very nervous the first time I met with a Dragon Boat team to see if I liked paddling. In fact, I almost didn’t go. Now, paddling is one of the best parts of my life! I was apprehensive about traveling alone for the first time. I learned a lot about myself and that alone didn’t mean lonely. What have you done despite feeling some anxiousness? Was it worth it?

Name one thing you can do that gives you butterflies. Doesn’t it feel enlivening? Of course, be wise about it. I would not try to learn to ski jump with the state of my bones.

Fear of Change

Some life transitions are related to changing how we live life, such as getting married or divorced. Other examples are starting a business or selling one; moving to a new location is another. The sense that life may spin out of control is a common response when navigating this type of transition. This is a little different than feeling anxious.

Think about what it might feel like to hike in an area you don’t know and discover you are lost. You don’t know how to get back to where you started. Your stress levels rise to the ‘flight or fight” levels. When you make a major life transition, you may fear the potential of being lost.

If you listen, you know you have a sense of direction. You can use cues and your intuition to guide your way forward. Begin by talking back to the fearful thoughts. They are not the truth. You will know your next step; you will know what you need.

Think about “fear of success.” What if life is deeply transformed due to retiring, moving, having a successful business, or living on your own? You are stepping into the transition and creating a transformed life. Will you lose yourself and what matters? Will you be overwhelmed? Probably not.

Less than two years ago, when I got married and moved from my home of 20 years, it was like I held my breath for several months. I had to keep my heart and mind focused on my “why.” I was determined to live life with a loving partner, and I had met him. What would it be like to share a home and decision-making with someone? Would I lose my identity by being a wife? So far, I have been thoughtful about what I need to remain balanced and happy.

It is important to remember why you are making a change in your life. Maybe you are very dissatisfied with your current situation and have finally decided to do something about it. Maybe you sense the potential for more happiness and fulfillment if you make a change. The trick is to listen to yourself, trust yourself, and know how to set boundaries.

Find Your Support

Having the support of friends, guides, and your own inner wisdom are key to smoothing the waters of change. When you talk about your fears, they lose their power. Talk with supportive friends about the change you are making and what you are afraid of. It is normal and okay. Read books by others who are knowledgeable about the change you are undertaking. Find a coach or counselor if you would benefit from extra support.

Most important, stay in touch with your own inner knowing. Visit yourself every day. Celebrate your bravery and give those fears a hug. Tell them it will be just fine.

As older adults, we continue to live full lives, grow, and navigate life’s transitions. The fears you may feel are a normal part of living, so put them in their place! Remember that among the things people most regret at the end of life include not taking more risks and living their dreams. What does that mean for you? What, at age 90, do you want to look back on as you lived your 60’s and 70’s?

Now is the time. I’d love to hear your stories about life transitions, moving past fear, and embracing life by fully living the one you are here for.

All of Ardith’s articles can be found at Becoming You After 60.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

I’d love to hear which of the three ways you have noticed in yourself when hesitating to be and do what you desire. Do you find ways to talk yourself out of it? For example, you are “too old”, or it is “too hard?” Do you find yourself too busy to focus on what, in your heart, you know really matters to you? Or, do you start to feel overwhelmed and anxious, so avoid taking steps in the direction you want? How have you overcome your hesitation and moved forward?